3 Components of Social Status that Threaten Your Confidence and What You Can Learn to Conquer Them
It’s important to feel when you walk into a new environment that it is welcoming and you belong. Yet, there are many factors that would influence whether this would translate into your reality. One of those factors is our perceived social status of the group. Socioeconomic difference is what I consider to be the “elephant in the room” in many conversations about diversity. It’s huge, but it hard to talk about.
When your social status is lower than the majority of the participants in a new environment, it’s especially awkward and uncomfortable. I remember feeling a bit out of sorts in college when I noticed women from Northern Virginia wore make-up and heels to class. I felt these luxuries were relegated for special events, and it gave me the sense I didn’t quite fit in.
Then, when I became an age and status minority within a leadership role it was also odd for me to hear privileged perspectives or customs, usually around the holidays, of my colleagues. It was hard for me to share minimal plans or even nonexistent ones, because I didn’t have the funds to take a trip or even decorate my apartment for Christmas. I often struggled to give what little I had to a collection for a colleague’s birthday, babyshower, or going away party.
These experiences made me feel that I didn’t belong, and it was hard for me to try to bridge the gap. When you perceive the group to be of higher social status than yourself, whether by demeanor, education, income, occupation, or a combination thereof, then you may feel you are not as deserving of resources or have a voice to express concerns.
Here are some consequences of social status differences and how they negatively impact your confidence:
Helplessness - You have very little control as a college student and young professional with how you were raised and the resources you had access to in your home. You may feel in a privileged environment, such as college or certain business settings, that you have to catch up with your peers, but you don’t exactly know how. You may ask yourself, “How will I be able to compete for things such as promotions or perform to a certain standard of excellence on a project when I do not know how to access certain tools or opportunities?”
Exclusion – You are perceived an outsider in appearance or character, which confuses others about how to relate to you. The benefits they receive from an embedded social group prevents them from taking the risk to get to know you or try harder in ways that would foster a genuine relationship. You are the underdog left to figure out social norms and politics of this new environment on your own.
Difficulty building mutually beneficial relationships - Most of us have heard “it’s not what you know, but who you know” because relationships are the foundation of building social status. It is uncomfortable to navigate the very fine line between the need for you to compete with peers for professional advancement and the dependence on professional relationships that leverage opportunities. It will be all the more frustrating for you when coming from a lower income or urban environment that you notice certain people in the classroom or workplace appear to connect with others from similar backgrounds. How discouraging it is to observe that tools and opportunities seem to fall more readily in their laps! Your lack of relatability with peers also makes it difficult when you take the chance to reach out to others. This experience limits your ability to make friends and build a network.
Isolation – The exclusion and other socially awkward situations make you feel like a burden. In my case, I felt that I couldn’t quite measure up. Increased feelings of loneliness and exclusion push you to distance yourself even more from the group. It’s also a challenge for you to get involved, because you feel disconnected to the environment and its culture.
It’s a terrible cycle that impacts many individuals from low to middle income backgrounds in environments of privilege. Nevertheless, I learned over time common habits of social status that made me more confident when interacting with classmates or colleagues from higher socioeconomic statuses than myself. Here are three areas you may perceive to reflect differences of socioeconomic status between yourself and your classmates or colleagues and what you can learn to conquer the negative impacts on your confidence associated with them:
Clothing –
Includes the quality of fabrics and materials, the style of clothing (such as professional or conservative vs. urban or active wear), where you buy clothes, how often you can buy clothes, how much you can spend on clothes, who buys your clothes, how frequently you wear certain items of clothing
Suggestions:
Study the clothing styles of people you admire (in your industry) and compliment them. People, especially women, will often share where they buy their clothes. Go to these stores if you can, so you can feel the quality of the fabric and materials. Buy something on clearance if you can. If u cannot, then try to find something similar at an outlet, discount store, or thrift shop.
Don’t feel compelled to change your entire wardrobe immediately. Buy what you can when you can. Refer to the Tips for Starting Your Professional Wardrobe article on the blog.
Ask for certain clothing items, gifts cards for your desired brands, or money for clothes as gifts for holidays or birthdays
Follow professional brands and professional style influencers on social media for inspiration
Ask for help
Communication –
Includes word choice, the way words are pronounced, the topics of conversation at networking events, nonverbal cues of how to interact with others in business or networking situations
Suggestions:
Read books
Watch TED Talks about topics that interest you
Download the Merriam-Webster app to look up words you read or hear that you don’t know. Click on the audio icon to hear the correct pronunciation. USE THE WORD when you remember!
Reference a thesaurus to get alternatives for words you tend to use over and over when writing papers or work documents
Follow your industry on LinkedIn
Ask people you admire what magazines or publications they like to read
Follow publications of your industry on Twitter
Shadow a mentor at a networking event. Watch their behavior and listen carefully to what they talk about with their peers, and then ask your mentor questions later about topics and interactions you didn’t know about or understand
Leisure Time –
Includes where you go for gatherings or holidays, how often you go on vacation, what and how you eat, what you find entertaining
Suggestions:
Be open-minded
Try a food you have not tried, or even heard of. You can start by ordering something different at restaurants you frequent. Ask the server for suggestions of what’s popular
Accept invitations from associates to go out to new places, even when you don’t think you will like the place or its food
Take advantage of student or employee discounts to performances or shows on campus or local venues
Accept invitations from associates who invite you to places for the holidays. Don’t see it as a hand-out or them taking pity on you. Think of it as a learning experience for you and them. Think of it as kindness, and rejecting kindness is pretty rude.
USE YOUR VACATION TIME by setting aside this time in advance
Ask classmates, colleagues, and associates where they go on vacations. Ask questions about it, such as what they like about this place and what they recommend you try if you were to go there. Consider going as a long-term goal, but in the short term research if you can try locally some of the activities or experiences.
You can find suggestions of how to implement some of these points in the code-switching article on the blog. I have to warn you though that code-switching isn’t solely a reflection of differences in socioeconomic status. People from ethnic or language minority backgrounds may also find it necessary to codeswitch, because it reflects culture as a whole, rather than a single aspect of culture, such social status. Of course, as stated earlier, you can’t change your background, and it doesn’t benefit you to feel like it should have been different. How you grew up is an important part of who you are. Your experiences can also enlighten someone else about how important it is to consider differences in how others were raised. These tips can help you learn how to build your confidence in privileged environments, so that the contribution of your unique background doesn’t hinder how you perceive your potential.