Guidelines for Facing Discrimination and Harassment
*Disclaimer: This article is for informational purpose only. It is not a substitute for consulting education administration, human resources, mental health, or legal professionals on the specific needs of individuals or organizations.
These tense political times definitely have the topics of harassment and discrimination more on people’s minds. It appears to be all around us. Despite its popularity, harassment and discrimination is a tough issue to confront, because many people prefer to avoid talking about it in our everyday lives. The lack of conversation leads many of us to not be aware of how it should be appropriately addressed or what we can do to advocate on behalf of others. I even found myself guilty of putting off writing this article for a couple of weeks, despite the desire to advocate about issues that matter, no matter how controversial or stigmatized they might be.
I have had my share of personal encounters with harassment and discrimination. First, I was bullied in middle school (strangely, this was one of my first motivations to pursuing a counseling career). Next, I faced some harassment by an ex-boyfriend during my freshmen year in high school. Luckily, I felt safe at my university, but there were a couple of instances of discrimination I faced in the workplace. I recall not being sure how to handle these situations in the moment, and once I learned how these issues should be addressed appropriately, I had long been removed from the situation, voluntarily or involuntarily.
It is important to understand for a holistic discussion on this topic that harassment and discrimination come in many forms, whether offenders are peers or those in authority. It can be rooted in individual persons or perpetuated in the education or work culture. Offenders can be acquaintances or people we recently met or those with whom we have had positive, or even intimate, relationships with in the past. We may be discriminated against due to our identity and its accompanying intersections, or we can be harassed because others simply do not like our personality or find us threatening. This is the difficulty in the decision of whether one addresses the situation. My personal experiences, combined with my counseling education and a slew of self-help books help me to gain a deeper self-awareness for what I experienced as well as empathy for why it is so difficult to speak out when these situations occur.
Reasons you are hesitant, confused, or resistant to addressing harassment or discrimination may include:
Embarrassment
Shame
Fear
Lack of awareness, whether it be identifying the behavior(s), the severity, or what you should do about it
The impact of harassment and discrimination affects each personal differently. You may have combinations of the above. Yet, there will unfortunately be consequences for not addressing the situation or seeking help to do so, even despite one’s awareness of the situation or what to do about it. Ultimately, speaking out is a matter of personal choice one has to decide for oneself. I think it’s best to see things from all sides, validating your reasons not to, but encouraging you to consider a different response.
Reasons you may want to consider addressing the harassment or discrimination include:
It will impact your self-esteem and mental health
It will likely continue toward you, as well as others
It will inhibit your ability to heal and move forward
I hope you are empowered in your decision. Should you decide to move forward with addressing the circumstance, I pray you do so in the safest way possible. Each person’s situation will be unique, so it will be important to considering the following points to address your circumstance in a way that best meets your needs.
Guidelines to consider when facing harassment or discrimination:
Know that it wasn’t your fault – people are accountable for their own behaviors. When wrongful acts are committed, then it is never the victims fault, it is the perpetrators. Period. Any indication of fault by the offender or others is another form of harassment and discrimination – it’s abuse.
Take care of yourself – harassment and discrimination are very, very, very, very, very hard to handle. We often slip into neglecting our basic needs and health, such as sleep or eating, when we face stressful situations. Harmful coping mechanisms such as drinking or drug abuse are also easy to slip into as an escape. Please take care of yourself as best you can. Healthy choices in handling your stress with help you feel better about yourself , so you are empowered to make wiser decisions as you move forward in the process.
Find Support – same as above, this situation is hard and you need to feel affirmed by someone. The embarrassment and shame will especially make you want to keep this a secret. The support from others will give you the motivation to take care of yourself and feel encouraged, so that you can feel the strength you need to endure and/or take care of the situation. This support may be a friend, colleague, family member, guardian, or even counselor.
Acknowledge the behavior and command it to stop – people are sometimes not aware of the inappropriateness of their behavior. This applies more so to behavior that is discriminative, rather than harassment. Harassment is a form of malice, and people are aware when they are being hurtful toward others. Discrimination is sometimes not as clear, especially sense biases are many times unconscious and forms of injustice are imbedded in the environment or culture of an organization. The behavior should stop when someone is made aware, but if not then you have a deeper problem than a mere interpersonal one on your hands and you may need to proceed further for it to stop.
Connect to the school counselor, ombudsperson or human resources (HR) representative – these people are typically considered third parties that can give you anonymous counsel within your school or work environment. They should give you comprehensive, non-judgmental advice and guidance about your options. They should make you feel safe. If they give you bad vibes, whether before or during the conversation, then wrap it up and consider the next step, but don’t give up hope.
File a Report /Grievance, or contact the authorities – there may be instances when formal action is required to resolve your concern after you reach out to HR, the school counselor or ombudsperson. “The authorities” looks different depending on your environment. It is essentially a person responsible for the disciplinary action, which can be HR at work or an assistant principal or principle in a school setting. Higher education institutions will have offices in student support or student conduct for college students to file such incidents. This is usually the step that people are the most hesitant or resistant to take. We don’t want to be “snitches” or appear childish to get the “higher ups” involved. Unfortunately, your position as a peer, colleague, or student will likely not have the authority to institute a definite change in behavior from the other person, which is why you need to enlist the support of someone who does. If you are not comfortable, you may need the support of a counselor, your parent(s)/guardian, friends, or colleagues to take this step for you.
Know when to leave – Ugh, some environments are just a mess, and even the “leaders” don’t have it together. This is the primary indicator of a toxic organization, and unfortunately will be beyond your immediate control to make a change for yourself. This does not mean you cannot do anything about the issue. This usually means you have to protect your wellbeing, your space, and your sense of safety by removing yourself from the environment. Your respect and dignity are priceless, and so is your health, which both will be negatively impacted, if you decide to “stick it out” long-term. Inexplicable physical or mental health conditions you experience that were not present before the harassment, discrimination, or your exposure to the person or environment are the primary red flag it’s time to move on. For adults, this can be a hard decision to make if your employer is your primary source of income, and especially if you have dependents. This is also hard for students who don’t have the resources to move or don’t want to put that burden on their family or guardian. As a result, you may not be able to leave immediately, but you need to minimally prepare a plan for an exist strategy. Reaching out to your supports is a good place to start as your formulate your plan. Communication is key so all those involved can arrive to a conclusion rooted in safety.
Consult legal counsel – not all cases will be brought to formal legal action, such as court, but if your losses need legal protection or financial compensation then it may be best to seek legal counsel. An attorney can let you know the severity of your case and whether you need to proceed to settlement or litigation. You will want to consult a lawyer with experience in education, employment, and/or civil rights law. If you don’t have funds for a lawyer you can seek service at a pro bono clinic, typically provided by your local law school, a non-profit organization, such as ACLU, or religious community.
Harassment and discrimination are a form of abusive behavior and injustice. It is important that you make the best decisions to protect yourself from further harm. Taking care of ourselves helps us to be empowered in our self-worth and identity. We may even be moved to be advocates for others, so we can build better communities where everyone feels safe to thrive. Although this was the hardest article for me to write, I hope it blesses you. I hope it helps you to be set free.