How a Supportive Partner Elevates your Purpose: An Interview with Dr. Shaughanassee Vines, DNP, CNE, CNM, FACNM
I pay attention to people with whom I often cross paths in life. Dr. Shaughanassee Vines would be one of those people. We go way back to Hampton High School in Hampton, Virginia (hey, 757!!) where I was one year her senior. We crossed paths again some 10 years later when I moved back to the 757 for a little while.
I was still looking for a full-time job after completing graduate school a year and a half prior, and I thought moving back home would be an adventure I was willing to explore. I joined the Hampton Roads Urban League Young Professionals to make friends and get involved in any community projects that might be of interest to me in the region. Dr. Vines, then still going by her maiden name, Shaughanassee Williams, happened to join the organization recently. She remembered me from high school right away, greeting me with her bright, caring smile. While waiting to enter a YP formal event, I distinctly remember a lively discussion between Dr. Vines and me about the highs of building our careers and the woes of dating as educated, driven Black women.
As it turns out, little did both of us know, Dr. Vines would meet her husband later that very year.
Like many ambitious millennial women, Dr. Vines was on her grind as an independent woman when she met her husband. She had completed a Bachelor of Science in Nursing and a Master of Science in Nursing from Old Dominion University. She was trained in midwifery at Shenandoah University. After completing her master's degree, she was managing three departments for a medical director at a local health department, including a maternity department, family planning, and sexually transmitted infections clinic.
Dr. Vines was dreaming about finally branching out on her own when in came her Prince Charming, Terry Vines, a Senior Chief in the Navy. She credits Terry for helping make her dream of owning her own clinic a possibility. Her company, Coceaux (pronounced "Coco") Health she started in 2016, is a telehealth platform providing women's health services to women of color by clinicians of color to improve trust, increase care access, and decrease health disparities. She also completed during the relationship a Doctor of Nursing Practice degree from Frontier Nursing University, where she currently serves as an assistant professor. Dr. Vines and Senior Chief Vines wed five years after meeting, and on the 63rd wedding anniversary of her recently transitioned grandmother. Today, the couple resides in the 757.
Dr. Vines wore her signature warm smile as she shared with me the story about the blessing of meeting a man who not only aligns with her lifestyle, but is also willing to support her in advancing her career in nurse-midwifery as a scholar and entrepreneur. We caught up on our lives and discussed more in detail about her career path and the faith-filled discernment she had to share with women, and men, who are looking for a partner that supports their purpose.
What did you want to be when you were 5?
I changed a lot. I wanted to be a paleontologist for a minute. I was into dinosaurs -- like really into them and artifacts. I would go on little excavations and stuff. I'm always a problem solver, a curious person. So, I felt like going out there and finding lost artifacts was my thing or investigating and that type of thing. But I was definitely into all of that stuff, I remember buying books about it. To this day, I still watch the history channel and learn about new creatures that are now extinct and that type of thing. I'm with some of the Jurassic parks, not all of them. I don't like scary stuff. I was into going to the Smithsonian when they did trips. I was into going to the zoo or different living museums.
But for a long, long time I wanted to be a marine biologist. I loved dolphins. To this day, I love marine life. When we went to Hawaii, I was all about let's go into the water, so I can find some sea turtles.
Maybe from 5th grade on up I wanted to do medicine, nursing... that type of healthcare. I remember my mom. Her dream was to always be a nurse, and of course she does something totally different. And so, I don't know if I saw her going through that journey where I was kinda exposed to healthcare a little bit, and I said, I loved to investigate and problem solve and seek new things out. And I'm a very compassionate and caring person. I don't know, maybe I took one of those self-discovery tests or something, and I felt like this is something I could do. You know, you look more into the profession and it's something you can aspire to. And so, I have just been on that path ever since and learning more about it and loving it even more and that whole vibe.
How and when did you know you wanted to pursue a career in midwifery?
I think I actually went into nursing, because I decided that I wanted to be a midwife. I remember that moment. It was very defining. I was at Old Dominion in Norfolk, and I went to Norfolk with the mindset that I was going to be a pre-med major, so I was going to go to medical school. And I knew I wanted to work in women's health, so I was going to be an OBGYN. I was in a relationship with a guy who at the time I really thought I was going to marry, and then I went into college knowing we were going to eventually be together. So, I'm [thinking] number one, how if I go to med school am I going to be able to have a life? And not discouraging anyone who wants to do that, I'm just looking at my life and what was realistic for me, because I knew I wanted a family a little bit sooner than that. So, I was [wondering] what can I do where I can graduate and at least - if I do get married or get pregnant - I don't have to go work at Walgreens with this biology degree and have no use for it.
More importantly, I did an internship or something where I was shadowing somebody, and I loved the nurses, because they were the ones that did the education, that talked to the patients. They were just friendly. I want to know people. I was into very much holistic [health], so I look at how does your house and your finances impact your way of life? I want to help you come out of the hood, so you can have opportunities, and things like that. I don't want to be focused on this one trail.
So, I said, "I think nursing is it, and how can I be a nurse and still be in women's health?" That's when I started looking up that midwifery was still a thing – that there were nurse-midwives. It's kinda an archaic term where a lot of people in our society don't necessarily hear about nurse-midwives or midwives or know what they are, so I really did some in-depth research, and I [loved] what this is about!
So, I remember I was probably in my second year, I was a sophomore. And you know, that's that pivotal year when you're supposed to go into your major. And I remember wrestling with it a lot, because, in my mind, I've always been an "A" student and really focused and driven. I'm not supposed to be the type of student that changes her major in the middle of college, because that's money, that's extra classes, and we know it looks like you’re indecisive. But, I really knew this was for me, so I made the switch. I took two extra classes, and I was in the program. I've never looked back since – loved it, loved everything I did or do. I'm glad that I made that transition.
I'm sure I would have made it work doing something else, but the profession kind of found me a little bit. I didn't necessarily go seeking it. So, long story to get there. I remember I had to call my mom and talk this out with her because again, I was doing well. I was president of these clubs. I'm [thinking] this is great, but I want to do something different, and I needed someone's permission to say it's ok to be you and do what you want to do. I'm glad that she was supportive like that, and she said, "You know, if that's what you want to do, then this is your life. And if you feel like you made a good decision, and this is something you feel like that you can do after school and work. You know, be a real, productive human being, but it brings you joy, then you pursue that path." And once my mom told me that it was ok to do that, and she didn't discourage me, I went with it, and I've never looked back. I don't think nursing has ever done me wrong since.
What was your motivation to get your doctorate degree, considering that you don’t have to get it to be a nurse midwife? What was the value or significance for you for having that degree?
I always feel like for my profession that we should be at the top of our profession, because of all the hard work that we do. So, it took me a while, because I agreed with it in theory, but it takes a lot to make that commitment to go back to grad school, you know – time and money.
I feel like it opens up opportunities… it opens up windows, so you can do research, which I have done. You can teach academically at the graduate level, which I also do. You can do entrepreneurship. You can just do so much more. I really wanted to help bring the profession up to the educational level that I believe it deserves.
How did you meet your partner?
At a New Years’ watch service at church, it was spoken to me that this coming year, I was finally going to meet my husband. So, everybody knew me and my character, and they knew me as a driven person, but my pastor knew my heart to be a wife. And then she knew the trash that I had dated, and the bad breakups I had, and that type of thing. And so at that point, after all this disappointment, [I'm thinking], "Ok. So, when it comes, it comes. I don't even care anymore." But literally that night, I sent him a Facebook [message]... I was trying to reach out to somebody else and I couldn't remember the guy's name, because I was trying to tell him thank you for joining our service and being a part of our service, like a formality thing since I was a part of the leadership. So, I messaged him thinking he was another guy. And he replied, "Uh I'm sorry, honey, that's not me." And I said, "What? Oh.. my fault." But I looked through his profile, and I thought to myself "Well, he's not creepy, so I'll just keep him." I had no intent on finding a boyfriend or looking for a guy. And then, he tells me that I'm beautiful. So, then my alarm goes up!
You know how you message someone on messenger for a minute, and it fizzles out? He's out buying his own house, and I'm doing my own thing. When I had that conversation with God that one night, then he finally [reached out]. It had been like five, six months later. I remember distinctly asking God, "What about the guy who messaged me? He doesn't even talk to me anymore! What's up with me God?" I just brought him up as a conversation. And literally, he messaged me [two days later].
So, we texted for a little bit. FaceTime'd I think once or so. We weren't even talking heavy, because he was high ranking at his job, so he was working, and then I was at the clinic. And I remember, probably being too driven, [thinking that], "You know what? I'm going to call him today, and if he doesn't answer, it's over!" I had that state of mind that I am not playing in this area [of my life] anymore. If you're not really about me, then I don't have time! And he answered, and we ended up talking, for like hours. And we went out to eat after that. Our first date was a breakfast date. And he said that's the first time he ever had breakfast as a date with a girl.
How did you know he was “The One”?
When I met him, eventually I knew in my heart that he was it, because he knew my dream of owning my own clinic. That was my dream ever since ODU. Everybody knew that opening my own clinic was my dream. It's been my dream since college. All my friends know I would daze out of class trying to build a non-profit or build a clinic. But, a lot of boyfriends couldn't handle all I was equipped with, like I was too much for them. I didn't want to accept that. It was a real hard pill to swallow.
And so when I met my husband, my boyfriend then, he took me on a "date" but a date was to look at buildings. He knew that's what I wanted to do. And at the time, I was working at the clinic, and it got to a point where that environment was toxic, and I told myself, "I have to get out of here. If I don't find another job, I'm going to create my own job. And I don't know how it's going to work, but I'm going to just have to." And he didn't bash me or anything. He was like, "You want to own your own? Bet." And he took me out, and one day it was a surprise, and he showed me "There's this place, there's that place." And he had set up an appointment with a realtor, so I could look at the space, everything. And at that moment, I mean it took some years before we actually got married, but I was like, "Oh this is it! You ain't going nowhere!" Because he knew that was my dream and he supported it, and I didn't have to tell him or anything. He was just there. I realized he could take the fullness of me. I didn't have to dilute myself. I didn't have to water myself down. My dreams didn't scare him. My dreams motivated him to do his own thing. And I had never been with somebody like that before.
Why is it important for women, especially women of color, to find a supportive partner?
Because no one else in this world supports you as a woman of color, so it's important you have somebody in your corner that does. For my experience, I'm a Black woman, I go out in this world, there's already discrimination, there's already social systems set up against me and those things. They were created to tear a person down, whether people like to acknowledge it or not – it's systemic, it's implicit, it's all of that.
I have to come home to a safe space, or I have to come back to somebody if I have gone out here and I've tried to be super woman, or I have been super woman. I need somebody I can be Lois Lane with, I can be myself with, I can put a bonnet on with, I can, you know, get all of that back. Because, I have to go out there again, and I have to do it again.
“…I had that state of mind that I am not playing in this area [of my life] anymore. If you’re not really about me, then I don’t have time! ”
So, why not have somebody at home that's a safe place? Time is too short to be coming home to somebody that's competing with you, who doesn't bring you higher than what you are, or with whom you can't be your authentic self. I have no time for that. I have to come home to somebody who loves me for me, or even when there's times when I can't see the fullness of who I am, I need somebody who reminds me, "Hey no, this is who you are. This is what you can do. Don't let them people tell you otherwise." And so I can go back out there again. That's the way I look at it.
I have to be strong for so many adults. When I go into my clinic, people come see me for advice and people come see me to know what to do and fix them, you know? "Shaughanassee, fix my life" or "Shaughanassee, fix my woman parts." But I'm not perfect. I have to come home or be with somebody who helps fix me, makes me a better person, and checks me when I need to be checked or encourages me, all of that. So, you don't have to have a partner of course to be all of that, and whether it's a male partner, or it's your tribe of friends or your family. You just need a tribe that believes in you as an individual. When you asked me who is Shaughanassee without being Dr. Shaughanassee or without the career, I need somebody who knows just Shaughanassee and nurtures just Shaughanassee, so I can go out and be all these roles I have to be.
Do you have a specific example of when he had done that? For example, where he encouraged you, or reminded you of who you were, or helped you heal?
So, I stepped out to my own business in a series of ways. I was the person who worked the 9-5, but also had the 5-9 as my own business. So, I started my own clinic, and it was an evening clinic that I would work after I worked my other clinic.
And then, it came to a point when God told me you need to step out on faith with this as your nine to five. So, number one, he believed that I wasn't crazy. He believed that I heard, and I knew what was best for me. So, when it was time to do that, he would buy things for the clinic.
“…he knew that was my dream and he supported it, and I didn’t have to tell him or anything. He was just there. I realized he could take the fullness of me. I didn’t have to dilute myself. I didn’t have to water myself down. My dreams didn’t scare him. My dreams motivated him to do his own thing. And I had never been with somebody like that before…”
For example, I would tell him that I want to just have a room where my ladies who come into my office can have a smart TV, and they can turn the channel, and they can put what music soothes them and calms them at the doctor's office or their midwife's office. And literally he came in the house with two small TVs. You know, I was trying to build something, but I didn't have all the resources by myself.
Now, me and all of my independence, would I have done it? Eventually. But, he helped that, and he's still doing his thing, too. He bought me like an iPad thing, and it's not just buying stuff, you know what I mean? It's just the fact that he was sowing into something that I believed in with my entire heart and my entire being. This was a dream that I had had since I was a little girl. He was helping to foster that.
There were times when I got discouraged, and I told myself that I don't measure up to bigger businesses or other people and other things, and he would remind me, "You are you. Be authentically you. People love you, because you are you." You know, those tough conversations. Or, if I had employee issues, because I had to talk to an employee as their boss at that point. He would give me advice, because that's what he does on his job – he manages quite a few people. So, he gives me advice and tells me this is something you could think of in the future, things like that.
“…why not have somebody at home that’s a safe place. Time is too short to be coming home to somebody that’s competing with you, who doesn’t bring you higher than what you are, or with whom you can’t be your authentic self…”
And then, sometimes he tells me I need to sit down somewhere. That's been the recent conversation. Like I told you, I'm pregnant and we moved to California, and I didn't have my brick and mortar clinic in California the way I had in Virginia, and that was a big identity loss for me. Because, I had become so consumed. My business had become a little bit of my identity, because that's what I threw myself into for like 10 years at this point. So, when I didn't have that, and I'm just sitting at home being somebody's wife, I'm [thinking to myself], "What is this?" It was hard. I was depressed for a little bit. COVID happened, and now we're all in the house, and I'm separated from my family and the things I love to do. And I just remember telling him, "I feel like I'm a washed-up midwife. I'm not even catching babies; I'm not taking care of women. I'm not doing what I want to do." And he kind of had to bring me back to speed and say, "Look at all you have done, even though you have been working from home. You've published articles. You started a telehealth business…and at the same time how do you not know this is not your season to rest and relax and do things?" And that was a real hard pill to swallow.
Now when we moved back here and I'm pregnant I [wonder] should I do this, should I do that, because I've always been on my grind. That's all I've known how to do for a long time, and now I'm about to be someone's mom. And he's like, "Shaughanassee, you can do anything you want to do, but sometimes you have to do them at different times…you've wanted to be a mom since we met. God's given you this gift where now you're a mom, so enjoy the gift of just being a mom. And then, when he comes, we'll figure out how to get you back into the career stuff." So, he helps pace me a lot, which I need, and I don't always like, but I really need [it].
How should one go about preparing oneself for a partner that supports their goals?
I would just say prepare yourself. Focus on you. And if someone is supposed to be a part of your journey then they will. And for me I knew he was a part of my journey because I didn't have to change myself. I didn't have to make these major adjustments. I think people know what I'm talking about - of course you work on your attitudes, and stuff like that - but I didn't have to take my dreams away or my dreams didn't run him away.
So, on our first date, I knew again partly that he's pretty special, because I was all Shaughanassee. I was in organizations. I was in the Urban League. I was in my church. I had my own house. I had two cars. I was just being who I thought I needed to be. And, I had dated other people, and they were nice and had things, but they just never had what I had. And I'm not saying like you have to have material things, but I needed someone who matched my energy, and not just me, but inspired me enough to make me want to be a better version of me.
“…he’s like, ‘Shaughanassee, you can do anything you want to do, but sometimes you have to do them at different times’…So, he helps pace me a lot, which I need, and I don’t always like, but I really need [it]…”
I was working on my own dreams, my own goals. And, a man who has his own thing he already knows I don't need anything from him - that I'm here because I want to be. But, I don't think a man wants somebody who drags them down like a woman doesn't want a man who drags them down. So, be the best version of you, and whoever is meant to connect with you, then they're going to connect with you and it's going to be like a puzzle piece. You know where they fit in or you fit in. That's how I knew.
So that's my word of advice to myself. I was so worried about what's he going to think. Or is this too much for him, or is he going to run when he knows I'm a nurse-midwife? He's going to run when he finds out I have a master's degree. Shoot, when I told him I was going to get my doctorate degree, some people would not be cool with that. But it was never a problem with him that I was going to be Dr. so and so. Never an issue. And I think we need people like that.
“…be the best version of you, and whoever is meant to connect with you, then they’re going to connect with you and it’s going to be like a puzzle piece…”
I would definitely say work on your purpose – know your own purpose. If you have goals, actively be working on your goals. My goal in 2014 was to buy a house, not to meet a husband. Now I ended up meeting the guy who would be my husband, but I was focused on buying a house, and I was going after that goal for months. So yea, whatever is important to you, be it your health or your career, go passionately after what brings you joy. And whoever's supposed to run alongside you, they're going to run up and run at the same pace as you. Because I would hate to limit somebody. For example, if someone's goal is a professional career or someone else's goal is to just be a good mom, whatever your goal is, you be passionate about what you got going on.
And I'll say this: I distinctively had a prayer. Like everybody was talking about Ciara's prayer, but I had my own, it wasn't eloquent or anything, but I think the gist of the prayer was when I got to be content with just myself and wherever I was in God's journey, unless He decided to bring somebody, I wasn't going to go looking or forcing or anything like that. I finally meant it after like years of saying it. And literally like two days later, we met via Facebook. When I finally got to the point where all the distractions, the excess doesn't matter – I want to be cool right here in this place in life where You have me – he messaged me again two days later. And we finally went on a date, and we've been rocking ever since.
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Tips for Preparing Oneself for a Partner that Supports Your Purpose
Work on you, your own goals, and whatever is important to you and gives you joy
Be your authentic self
Be passionate about what you got going for yourself
Be content with yourself and where you are in your life right now
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Dr. Shaughanassee Vines is the founder of Coceaux Health. You can follow her on Instagram or contact her by email at info@coceauxhealth.com.