How to Grow Where You’re Planted when You’re Feeling Stuck

I was on the verge of tears. I was so sick of that job. I had barely been there for three months, and I was already ready to leave.  I remember praying if only I could make it until Thanksgiving.

The honeymoon phase of getting the new job was over. Everything seemed right on paper. It was more money. It was focused on career development. It was a larger city. The place even had a local Urban League and Black Greek organizations where I could build community. Still, something felt off to me that I couldn’t shake. I knew that it was a great opportunity that would set me up for the next move in my purpose, but that’s what it felt like – a stepping stone. I could feel in my heart that I did not belong in this environment. It was weighing down my spirit.

I was so distraught by Christmas break that I seriously contemplated just not even going back to Illinois. I was dying to make something happen, but I didn’t want to make any mistakes. So, I did what I do when I need to make any major decision or changes in my life: I prayed about it. I heard a very clear “Not Yet”. I was confused and disappointed, yet my faith walk had already shown me the value of obedience. Alas, God had spared my boss a very theatrical “I quit” email from me.

I went about enjoying the rest of my Winter Break with friends and family in Virginia and Maryland. When it was time for me to head “home”, I somberly packed my suitcase, each clothing item feeling like a brick weighing me down again with what I now understand to be a lingering depression. And right on par with Solange’s “Cranes in the Sky”, I tried to sleep it away on the plane. I tried to drown it out with music on the car ride to my place. No luck. It was there when I turned the key, and opened my front door. The bastard had beaten me to my apartment.

 I remember just standing in the hallway looking down at my suitcase.

 “So, what now?!” I asked myself.

 “Back to work” a subtle voice replied.

 I smirked. Easier said than done.

 Yes, I needed to pay my bills. Yes, I was fulfilling my purpose. Yes, I had even developed some solid relationships. Yes, I was living in my dream apartment. Everything seemed right on paper. But I didn’t want to do it there. I wanted to do it in Virginia. I felt stuck and out of place. I felt like I was caught between what I wanted and what I needed.

 “So, what now?!”

 “Back to work”

 So on to work I went. For a couple of weeks or so, I went kicking and screaming on the inside. It took me forever to get out of bed. I was even late to work on some days.

Can you relate? Are you feeling stuck at your job? Are you frustrated with the step it’s taken to navigate your career or establish yourself as a new professional or entrepreneur?

If you’ve been following my blog and social media, then you know that I achieved my goal. I share this story more in detail through this article, because building your dream career doesn’t always feel like a dream in the moment. There are times when you feel anxious, nervous, insecure, or even depressed like me. The building blocks can feel like dead weight.

Research shows a strong correlation between work-related stress with many symptoms of depression, including insomnia, reduced concentration, fatigue, energy loss and feelings of worthlessness. Jong-Sun Lee, a researcher at the Institute of Psychiatry, King’s College University of London, and Eun-Jeong Joo and Kyeong-Sook Choi, both researchers at the Eulji University School of Medicine in South Korea, conducted a fascinating study in 2012 that specifically looked at the connection between work-related stress and self-esteem. These research colleagues found that high levels of perceived stress led to lower self-esteem, thereby increasing symptoms of depression.

That doesn’t mean you have to be victim to your circumstances. You can change the story around. It might not give you a better boss or make a new job magically appear out of nowhere. It did it my case set me on a path to achieving my dream job at the next step. Little by little, I began to turn a leaf, figuratively – I learned to grow where I was planted. It was one of the biggest lessons I’ve ever learned in the span of my career.

I’m not exactly sure when it clicked for me per se or what inspired the change. It could have been more prayer. It could have been that I was sick of feeling sorry for myself. It could have been that I decided to surrender to my circumstances or alternatively take control of my own “happiness”. I do remember thinking that if God doesn’t want me to go yet, then I might as well do the best that I can to move with the flow of my life in the moment.

Feeling stuck is a prolonged state of facing the same old thing. Your typical solutions to solve problems are no longer working. Or the things you’re trying are not happening fast enough. Yet, inspiration comes from novelty. New habits often take time to produce fruit. Setting new things in motion and committing to them, no matter how down you feel initially, will attract other new things in your life. You will eventually become a new person willing to receive more. It’s not a magic wand that solves all your issues. It’s more like a puzzle – the big picture becomes clearer with every new piece that you add. Here’s some change you can put in motion to grow where you’re planted when you’re feeling stuck:

Change your mindset

It’s cliché, but the “everything happens for a reason” philosophy helps me to shift perspective in times of difficulty. Ask yourself what could this experience be teaching you? How does this fit into the big picture? Who are you being put in position to meet? If the “silver lining” mantra doesn’t quite work for you, then I suggest keeping a gratitude journal. This strategy helped me to record my progress, and thus find more meaning in my work. I also read a devotional every day when I got home. I prayed to get myself out of bed. I started attending a local church more regularly.

Take advantage of opportunities to develop your knowledge and skills

There are resources in your work environment or community that you can use to make yourself a better person and professional. Join a professional organization. Take a class. Enroll in a career-related program. Start the business! My season of feeling stuck led to the period when I started my instablog, and eventually the creation of this blog. It gave me an outlet for the things I wanted to do and who I wanted to serve. I also considered transitioning to a career in law, and I developed a routine for studying for the LSAT. I found conferences I wanted to attend, and seized opportunities to present.

Build relationships

A sense of community is a protective factor when you’re facing big emotions. Connect with others that encourage you. Volunteer at an organization with those who are doing what you are interested in or the mission focuses on who you want to serve. Find a mentor. Conduct informational interviews. I utilized this strategy when I finally took a colleague up on his offer to meet regularly for lunch, and this led to me disclosing my depression to him. He prayed for me, and it was a game-changer! It renewed my hope and motivation for the work I was doing there. I was also more proactive with connecting with two women I had met at a social event. I made a monthly habit of visiting a set of friends in another area of Illinois. These opportunities for connecting with others provided the emotionally support that I needed.

Use your free time to develop yourself and your passion

It’s important when you’re feeling hopeless to give yourself a deeper sense of control. Pour more into yourself, including self-care, what brings you joy, and your goals. Go for a walk. Read a book. Take the lunch (away from your desk). Go to therapy. Work on your homework. Listen to the podcast. Do the research on that idea or topic you are curious about. I started to take walks during my lunch break. I wrote more poetry and finished some short stories. I researched what made diverse students feel more career ready and gave underrepresented students a deeper sense of belonging on campus.

Challenge yourself

Sometimes, we can be our own worst enemy. The lack of motivation strips you of your energy, and you find comfort in the day-to-day routine of your job. This is career suicide! Find new ways to go above and beyond. Suggest new projects. Apply for the leadership role. Participate in those volunteer or community service projects you normally ignore in your email. These types of activities were the most critical to aligning myself with what I truly wanted. I developed a diversity program that allowed me to serve diverse students in a new way based on the research I had done. I volunteered at a city-wide initiative to build career awareness in middle school children, which I learned about at a networking event for work. Both experiences were very rewarding, and I gained more confidence in my abilities.

All those things I did within that year of me feeling stuck made me a more competitive candidate for the next job I wanted. Within the span of my 10-year career, I’ve now achieved my dream job about three times! I can assure you that none of your experience is ever wasted! Yes, the glam and glory from achieving your goals is really exciting. Sure, it’s easier to see that you’re building toward something great when you accomplish goals within your desired timeline or take on tasks that immediately inspire you. But, don’t get caught up in rose-colored sun glasses about your future. Your moments of frustration, and even fear, are also building toward the bigger picture of your purpose. So go ‘head, put yourself out there and show your challenges some love! Get out there and get growing!